How can I Grieve?
August 28, 2017 10:18
How can I Grieve?
One year ago, this is the last week, you were on planet earth, residing in your corporal body. I have been thinking of you a lot lately. Just a few days ago, I searched for you in the night skies in Montana - up there in the Milky Way. I searched for you along the ridge, hoping to glimpse the protective stag upon the steep hill. I searched for you in the eyes of the grasshopper who came to see me before I left the mountains. I searched for you in the light glowing thru the grass flowers. I searched for you in the Corona of the Total Eclipse. But I was searching the physical world.
And you no longer reside here amongst the slow moving bodies. You are light speed and you are everywhere. You are in the light of the shooting star. You are in between the beat of my heart. You are the sound of the rushing stream and the flash of the lightning across the range. You are omnipresent…as you were meant to be. And that makes my heart smile and fill full. How can I grieve when I feel you present everywhere.
I do miss you though and that is an entirely different thing.
One year ago, this is the last week, you were on planet earth, residing in your corporal body. I have been thinking of you a lot lately. Just a few days ago, I searched for you in the night skies in Montana - up there in the Milky Way. I searched for you along the ridge, hoping to glimpse the protective stag upon the steep hill. I searched for you in the eyes of the grasshopper who came to see me before I left the mountains. I searched for you in the light glowing thru the grass flowers. I searched for you in the Corona of the Total Eclipse. But I was searching the physical world.
And you no longer reside here amongst the slow moving bodies. You are light speed and you are everywhere. You are in the light of the shooting star. You are in between the beat of my heart. You are the sound of the rushing stream and the flash of the lightning across the range. You are omnipresent…as you were meant to be. And that makes my heart smile and fill full. How can I grieve when I feel you present everywhere.
I do miss you though and that is an entirely different thing.
Time
August 03, 2017 11:45
This is a slow blog, written with many gaps of time. And yet trailing through, like a silver thread is the heart and soul of an artist always striving to look a little closer, a little deeper and to be honest and open.
In my Masters thesis, I began my work with a quote from Plato:
"Time is a reality, flowing apart from the events filling in."
I sometimes feel like "TIME" itself; flowing apart from the events filling it.
Am I a feather on the breeze or the breeze itself? If I am the breeze, am I unaware that I am moving and think that it is the feather that is moving? What is the continuum from moment to moment, breath to breath, lifetime to lifetime?
I come back to Plato:
"Time is a reality flowing apart from the Events filling it."
In my Masters thesis, I began my work with a quote from Plato:
"Time is a reality, flowing apart from the events filling in."
I sometimes feel like "TIME" itself; flowing apart from the events filling it.
Am I a feather on the breeze or the breeze itself? If I am the breeze, am I unaware that I am moving and think that it is the feather that is moving? What is the continuum from moment to moment, breath to breath, lifetime to lifetime?
I come back to Plato:
"Time is a reality flowing apart from the Events filling it."
Time
August 03, 2017 11:45
This is a slow blog, written with many gaps of time. And yet trailing through, like a silver thread is the heart and soul of an artist always striving to look a little closer, a little deeper and to be honest and open.
In my Masters thesis, I began my work with a quote from Plato:
I sometimes feel like "TIME" itself; flowing apart from the events filling it.
Am I a feather on the breeze or the breeze itself? If I am the breeze, am I unaware that I am moving and think that it is the feather that is moving? What is the continuum from moment to moment, breath to breath, lifetime to lifetime?
I come back to Plate:
"Time is a reality flowing apart from the Events filling it." Read More…
In my Masters thesis, I began my work with a quote from Plato:
"Time is a reality, flowing apart from the events filling in."
I sometimes feel like "TIME" itself; flowing apart from the events filling it.
Am I a feather on the breeze or the breeze itself? If I am the breeze, am I unaware that I am moving and think that it is the feather that is moving? What is the continuum from moment to moment, breath to breath, lifetime to lifetime?
I come back to Plate:
"Time is a reality flowing apart from the Events filling it." Read More…
1500
March 14, 2016 12:00
It has been approximately one thousand five hundred days since my last post. So much is contained within these days passed. So much life. So much death. Seeing, dreaming, learning, suppressing, sleepless nights, motherhood, etal. Read More…
Wind Blows Through
February 05, 2012 10:29
A poem about emptiness:
Wind Blows through.
I look down to see a void
Like embers on paper, holes burn through
Where my heart should be.
Wind blows through and I am stripped bare… Read More…
Wind Blows through.
I look down to see a void
Like embers on paper, holes burn through
Where my heart should be.
Wind blows through and I am stripped bare… Read More…
Between
February 14, 2011 12:00
I find myself in between - between young and old... between the span of active motherhood & passive motherhood... between purpose and indifference, between church and faith... between passion & desire... between loads of laundry and dishes... between winter and spring.
I read a passage from the hymnal "do not look for me among the dead, for I am hidden in pain." Pain. Why pain? Why must we work thru pain to find the the deeper meanings? Is it only thru pain that we are rattled from our happy stupor, our intoxication of the happy surface? We sense God and Spirit in joy, but do we truly learn? Read More…
I read a passage from the hymnal "do not look for me among the dead, for I am hidden in pain." Pain. Why pain? Why must we work thru pain to find the the deeper meanings? Is it only thru pain that we are rattled from our happy stupor, our intoxication of the happy surface? We sense God and Spirit in joy, but do we truly learn? Read More…
I Have a Dream
August 28, 2010 10:32
I find it so odd that, over the course of time, as humanity has tried to reconcile differences, heal old wounds, new and inherited, to move toward peace and equal opportunity, how can some still seek to covet power, and to achieve at the cost of others. When so many have shown the path to justice and liberty, there still are always present those who cling with angry claws to the very things that divide us still today... as though Humanity keeps flipping the coin of hatred and division. Neither side of such a coin is valuable. Like Dante's souls we still face the same challenges inherent in Human Nature. The Human Condition... prone to tear us apart... over and over again. Read More…
Two Worlds
August 11, 2010 10:37
Inside me resides so many deep thoughts, so many observations,... so many, that it touches that deeper place of "knowing", of deeper seeing. I want to go deep within... down under the surface - to the silent depths of what is true, what is real...
A sudden burst of morning sunlight breaks through the emerald canopy. It filters through and glows with divinity. And I am transfixed. Read More…
A sudden burst of morning sunlight breaks through the emerald canopy. It filters through and glows with divinity. And I am transfixed. Read More…
The Dead of Winter is Alive & Well
February 22, 2010 10:39
" Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps
a singing bird will come." - Chinese Proverb
A mist fills the morning landscape, lending a quiet mystery and restful beauty to my view. Like a downy blanket, it feels warm over the snow and wet ground. A single singing bird visits in the snowy landscape to remind me he is here. He sings because this is his dharma. He sings in advance of warm days to come. It all is a playful tease, hinting at spring, which remains, nonetheless, many weeks away. Read More…
a singing bird will come." - Chinese Proverb
A mist fills the morning landscape, lending a quiet mystery and restful beauty to my view. Like a downy blanket, it feels warm over the snow and wet ground. A single singing bird visits in the snowy landscape to remind me he is here. He sings because this is his dharma. He sings in advance of warm days to come. It all is a playful tease, hinting at spring, which remains, nonetheless, many weeks away. Read More…
The Bright World
March 25, 2009 12:00
Today I think of Dante's description of "The Bright World" and my thoughts begin to dwell on those of Beauty, of light and of the earth and I sink into my true self - my artist self - then I think of of the dark world where many so blindly live... the destructive places, the holes and the dirty trenches - where like cockroaches - some humans dwell.
Do they not recognize the bright world - why do they persist to live in the destructive hell holes? Thieves, addicts, abusers, cheats, traitors...
Our youngest arrivals - bright and full of promise - reflect the bright world in their sparkling eyes. Yet for so many the sparkles will fade. When does their world turn? Why do some slip in the cracks - fall into the hell hole? Why do some follow - others even jump? And my heart fills with such deep sadness knowing that the only way out is thru pain and suffering - like Dante's Journey. Some will make it back to the bright world. Some won't. Some will forget that it is even there. We all slip. We all need a Virgil.
Is Virgil like the silver thread of faith and experience? The hand that has passed thru the flames before us... the guide. It is said that when we are ready, that a guide will come to us. Will we know it? Will we follow? Will we once again see "the bright world"?
Do they not recognize the bright world - why do they persist to live in the destructive hell holes? Thieves, addicts, abusers, cheats, traitors...
Our youngest arrivals - bright and full of promise - reflect the bright world in their sparkling eyes. Yet for so many the sparkles will fade. When does their world turn? Why do some slip in the cracks - fall into the hell hole? Why do some follow - others even jump? And my heart fills with such deep sadness knowing that the only way out is thru pain and suffering - like Dante's Journey. Some will make it back to the bright world. Some won't. Some will forget that it is even there. We all slip. We all need a Virgil.
Is Virgil like the silver thread of faith and experience? The hand that has passed thru the flames before us... the guide. It is said that when we are ready, that a guide will come to us. Will we know it? Will we follow? Will we once again see "the bright world"?
Bringing the Inner World Out
December 22, 2007 11:22
Why Dante? Why the Divine Comedy? What is the Commedia really? Why do we follow Dante into the dark wood and on into the inferno of hell? Curiosity? Required Reading? I urge you to look beyond the mounds of historical data, the details, and the long tedious dialogue. Try to see it in its simplicity. Think of it as a guidebook for the living. By observing Dante’s journey, it becomes one’s own lesson for life.
I turned to the book in a great search for truths regarding faith, life and meaning. I naively bumped into Dante in the same woods. I found a parallel in my own life’s journey and in the end, afterward, was able to look back and see the amazing journey for what it was…a tour thru one’s darkest times, ones lowest emotional state, into the depths of despair, eventually to emerge to a place in the light world, the joy, the Paradiso.
One recognizes the light again, only this time, the quality is enhanced. The light in the valley is different from the light now seen from the Summit. And while the light emanates from the same source, it has changed. The light is purer. The air is cleaner. The seer has acquired wisdom and insight.
Reading the Divine Comedy in its entirety takes one to a heightened vantage point both spiritually and intellectually. It leaves one humbled and in awe.
I turned to the book in a great search for truths regarding faith, life and meaning. I naively bumped into Dante in the same woods. I found a parallel in my own life’s journey and in the end, afterward, was able to look back and see the amazing journey for what it was…a tour thru one’s darkest times, ones lowest emotional state, into the depths of despair, eventually to emerge to a place in the light world, the joy, the Paradiso.
One recognizes the light again, only this time, the quality is enhanced. The light in the valley is different from the light now seen from the Summit. And while the light emanates from the same source, it has changed. The light is purer. The air is cleaner. The seer has acquired wisdom and insight.
Reading the Divine Comedy in its entirety takes one to a heightened vantage point both spiritually and intellectually. It leaves one humbled and in awe.
Pensive
September 13, 2007 09:28
The last glimmer of brilliant green,...transluscent green,...sunlight through morning lit leaves. I see this from my window. Open window, crisp cool air to relieve the stagnant collection of dust and artificially cooled air from preceeding days of exhausting heat. The jump from hot to cold is so quick. Too quick. Each moment of this day, with its lovely sunlight, it's fresh air filling my spirit must be appreciated. I just have to remember to notice. To withdraw from the "other" stuff filling my agenda, my list, my life and just take a deep breath and notice.
To be an artist is really a simple thing. It merely is the art of observation, meditation and introspection. And with this dedication and practice, creativity is a natural outcome. The challenge is withdrawing from rapid chaos of everything and permitting oneself a moment to LOOK and to SEE. In our ambitious American world of productivity and constant motion, this becomes a difficult thing to do at times. Or maybe its just me and my wonder woman generation of the do it all, be it all types. Because when asked what "I do" I first say I'm an artist and then pause and truthfully say that right now I'm devoting most of my time to my family, my three sons and husband. And this really may be the most important and creative endeavor anyone of us can attempt to accomplish!
To be an artist is really a simple thing. It merely is the art of observation, meditation and introspection. And with this dedication and practice, creativity is a natural outcome. The challenge is withdrawing from rapid chaos of everything and permitting oneself a moment to LOOK and to SEE. In our ambitious American world of productivity and constant motion, this becomes a difficult thing to do at times. Or maybe its just me and my wonder woman generation of the do it all, be it all types. Because when asked what "I do" I first say I'm an artist and then pause and truthfully say that right now I'm devoting most of my time to my family, my three sons and husband. And this really may be the most important and creative endeavor anyone of us can attempt to accomplish!
April 17, 2007
April 17, 2007 09:51
I am blank. No words. It leaves a hole too big and a penetrating sadness and reminds me terribly of my post about my grandfather.
It's as though a vile hand has reached up through the darkness and has grabbed my ankle and is determined to pull me in.
But I won't go.
It's as though a vile hand has reached up through the darkness and has grabbed my ankle and is determined to pull me in.
But I won't go.
A Letter to my Grandfather and All Those Who Have Lost Someone in Violence
March 14, 2007 08:52
I remember that on this date, in 1991, it was your last day on earth. I remember your smile and the twinkle in your eyes. I remember your laugh. I remember hearing the distant sirens not realizing at the time that they were headed toward you. I remember that when they found you, you still had a pen in your hand…
…A piece of me died that day too. The shock waves of Violence and evil travel deep. They knock us down into the black from which it rose and the known path becomes lost. And all of life as we knew it remains in that space of time now defined as "before." It is packaged and sealed and is placed in a box seemingly separate and lost. The world becomes, for a time, a dark wood. Where one begs for light, but doesn't know how to find it, for all of the paths are overgrown and seem to lead one only deeper into darkness…
Read More…
…A piece of me died that day too. The shock waves of Violence and evil travel deep. They knock us down into the black from which it rose and the known path becomes lost. And all of life as we knew it remains in that space of time now defined as "before." It is packaged and sealed and is placed in a box seemingly separate and lost. The world becomes, for a time, a dark wood. Where one begs for light, but doesn't know how to find it, for all of the paths are overgrown and seem to lead one only deeper into darkness…
Read More…
Fighting the Malaise of Regularity
November 09, 2006 11:11
Whirling around in my mind and my heart are things that go so far beyond the malaise of regularity.
I have begun to understand, in a profound way, why many (some of them great) artists were incapable of leading “normal” lives. They fell apart or ran away from it… Read More…
I have begun to understand, in a profound way, why many (some of them great) artists were incapable of leading “normal” lives. They fell apart or ran away from it… Read More…
Vespas & Smart Cars
September 27, 2006 08:29
It is surreal, when in the blink of an eye, one has been transported so far. The journey made. The journey over. But it never really is over is it.
The set up and opening in Rome was perfect. Everything went smoothly! And when confronting the unknowns of such a distant journey, I am most grateful for the beauty of all things.
I return to Italia in just a few days. Departing the sounds of lawn mowers and leaf blowers and returning to the sounds of Vespas and Smart cars. Upon one shoulder rests the guilt of leaving my family for three weeks. And upon the other, the excitement and anticipation of fulfilling my quest. I do know that I will return a much better wife, and a much better mother. Sometimes the desire to "do" something for oneself grows so large, that a slight depression and apathy sets in. It seeps in to the way we do things...or don't do things. I know it sounds difficult to imagine, but I find joy in doing laundry, cleaning house and grocery shopping, whatever the task. I find joy, because I do it for "them," my family.
But for now, for the next three weeks, I am asking them to share me with others. And for that I am deeply grateful.
The set up and opening in Rome was perfect. Everything went smoothly! And when confronting the unknowns of such a distant journey, I am most grateful for the beauty of all things.
I return to Italia in just a few days. Departing the sounds of lawn mowers and leaf blowers and returning to the sounds of Vespas and Smart cars. Upon one shoulder rests the guilt of leaving my family for three weeks. And upon the other, the excitement and anticipation of fulfilling my quest. I do know that I will return a much better wife, and a much better mother. Sometimes the desire to "do" something for oneself grows so large, that a slight depression and apathy sets in. It seeps in to the way we do things...or don't do things. I know it sounds difficult to imagine, but I find joy in doing laundry, cleaning house and grocery shopping, whatever the task. I find joy, because I do it for "them," my family.
But for now, for the next three weeks, I am asking them to share me with others. And for that I am deeply grateful.
Reading Dante; Purgatorio
August 11, 2006 08:38
Canto XX .146
"Nulla ignoranza mai con tanta guerrami fé desideroso di sapere."
-Never before had my ignorance caused within me such a desperate desire to know the truth.
"Nulla ignoranza mai con tanta guerrami fé desideroso di sapere."
-Never before had my ignorance caused within me such a desperate desire to know the truth.
A Million Miles Away from Evil
August 10, 2006 09:40
At this moment the cicada sing and the honey bees gather pollen in my lush patio garden. The nuthatch seeks a sunflower seed and the humming birds race around the feeder. I have exactly four butterflies deeply interested in the Joe Pye Weed. The cappucino is warm and frothy in my cup...and yet today more evil has been exposed as murderous intentions are being uncovered. Thousands of good people are displaced from their homes, delayed from their journeys, wait in lines, attempting to lead their peaceful lives as a few men attempt to claim theirs. I feel like a million miles away from it all, but I know I am not.
It's like Lord of the Flies times ten...only they have built themselves an island in the middle of humanity and are shipwrecked within the confines of their self-imposed shores. How can they be so lost? They are like lonely children in the middle of a nightmare, but how can we wake them up? Why have they become so blinded by the corruption of those they follow?
And I naively wish I could invite just one to my garden for some cappucino, to show them a different reality..., to share the beauty of what is life and assure them that this is how it, not only should be, but CAN BE. And then I understand that this beauty is present within every and any moment for those who choose to seek it. But that is something that they must do for themselves.
Namaste, J
It's like Lord of the Flies times ten...only they have built themselves an island in the middle of humanity and are shipwrecked within the confines of their self-imposed shores. How can they be so lost? They are like lonely children in the middle of a nightmare, but how can we wake them up? Why have they become so blinded by the corruption of those they follow?
And I naively wish I could invite just one to my garden for some cappucino, to show them a different reality..., to share the beauty of what is life and assure them that this is how it, not only should be, but CAN BE. And then I understand that this beauty is present within every and any moment for those who choose to seek it. But that is something that they must do for themselves.
Namaste, J